Sunday, November 30, 2003
went to pig out at lingzhi today. loved the wasabi monkey head mushroom. damn nice and crispy.. like the brown rice also. very chewy. but the desserts weren't that good.. anyway, ate a lot today... and went shopping. saw this winter clothing... at isetan. but the one that they had.. it was the last piece - with a lip stick mark on it.. so we went down to suntec to get another one... and it was clean.. haha... glad to get it. it's very sweet... but my heart ached a little.. 150 bucks.. but i didn't pay. my aunt did... but still, i feel bad. i'd have to work hard next time.. so that i can repay all her kindness. cos of the both of them, both my mum and i have the chance to relax oversease without having to pay too much.. yes, i do admit i'm one such lucky girl.
anyway.. went to winter place to look for clothes.. not much nice stuff there. i guess after packing my stuff.. i realised i don't really need much clothes lar... all enough ler... yupperz...
now.. the blue black at my eye is getting worst okay.. from black to red.. gosh.. i'm like disfigured... that day blacked out in the toilet.. and knocked against the pole or something. then.. that's how i got the bruise... it's like spreading.. luckily it's not so obvious.. so far.. no one has spotted it yet... but it looks like a birth mark. and it's really not nice =( hope it goes away soon.
ate too much today.... feel like vomitting.. went to force some vomit out just now. stomach felt a bit better.. but still feel stuffed.. but i can't seem to force out more.. cos i feel damn uncomfy. think it's cos i didn't have enough sleep.. yeah..
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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23:30
realised... that my personal life is exposed on the net.. haha.. with the means of my very own BLOG.. which i've advertised to all my friends. so hehe... miss tan... all your secrets will not be secrets anymore.. gosh! but well... go ahead a critisize me, people... i don't really care.. cos it's my life =P
lalala... stupid mosquitoes.. bit me so many times... now i can't sleep. it's so irritatin man...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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06:18
Saturday, November 29, 2003
lalala~~ met san for dinner just now.. it's just so nice to chat up with new friends... i guess with her, other than thomas.. sometimes i can really speak my mind. it's just such a wonderful feeling!!!! haha... and the little birdy at my house.. it's starting to flap its wings!!! can't wait for it to fly then it can go find its family.. hee... i know how's it's like to be caged up. so no freedom... i feel like this sometimes... =(
got ali's bill today.. $76... i told him my mum asked me to terminate the line.. cos she fears he might play me out and land me a thousand dollar bill... he might... though he said he won't.. but HUMAN.. u never know.. well.. argh... anyway, he asked me to give him some time.. so at least he can source for another line b4 i terminate the line. once i terminate the line.. i'll find it easier to break up =)
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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23:13
got semester module grades today... haha!!! damn happy~ but no As... but still... haha... i won't tell the secret... or i might appear as... a snob.
well anyway, not feeling too at peace today. a while ago, i was happy with my results. but soon, the words thomas told me soon streamed in... all those things about my inner most feelings.. how i felt... and i thought of ali... gosh.
well... i guess the trip to san francisco would do us both good.. have a break.. and i guess, after that... i'll just cut off the line.. once i get the bill.. and say tata to him. it's all too easy to say... difficult to carry it out.. cos.. i'm too soft hearted. sigh.. well, what to do... i guess i have to stop it all then... argh... i really feel so pressurized now. ya know.. when i told him i was going on a holiday for 2 weeks.. he said i was not allowed to go. he said i can't go. i was like.. fuck. you don't own me... it was always how he felt, not how i felt. when i requested to break up, he said didn't i care about his feelings. he love me so much, how can i "throw" him away.. but he didn't ask me how i felt, why i wanna end it all.. and it was always him him him and he always blames me for making his heart break, making him cry, making him lose his appetite.. who can i blame? blame his god? he was always depending on his god... is this the way to live? to depend on your god? what to say.. argh... my hands are trembling, my heart is quivering.. i am so damn lost, so confused.. and so angry. i wanna scream it all out... i wish someone understood me.. i wish someone can help me
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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14:18
Friday, November 28, 2003
haven't been having enough time or energy to write my blog for the past 2 days... but well.. i guess i ain't angry at that person anymore. i guess i've wronged her... i was too sensitive, jealous maybe. u know who u are.. i gues... sorry.. i feel bad ranting abt u on international communications.. haha.. wat a word. well.. anyway, i'm sorry.. everyone's not perfect after all. oh yeah...
had a great time wif thomas.. haha.. after how many years.. 4 years after our first meeting.. that's really sweet of him to drop by singapore then to his gf =) thanks thomas! well anyway, it's a great friendship of... 6 years.. right? or is it 5? but it was a long time.. yes, very long.. and i'm glad we both met. i wish we could go on forever =)
not gonna work for my aunt anymore... suppose to start work on monday.. but i'm going on holidays from 4th to 20th dec.. so what's the point of working? but i don't really wanna go... but san francisco draws me.. haha... and.. i don't have to worry that i can't go to moviecity.. something which i've been looking forward since october.. when i saw the papers. and i could remember how dejected i was when i saw the course fees.. and jL said there wasn't much to see for us. well.. haha.. glad we met sunshine!! and well.. i can't go to batam wif them... sobz.. hope they can wait for me man.. but dat's like impossible.. =(
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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19:27
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
FUCK!!! had kinda pissed off day.. but at least.. it's better than yesterday? slightly better.. i remember how pissed i was having to sit in that make up room for hours.. but today... i really loved sitting in my room. can't wait to finish my coastliners by joanne harris.. it's such a great book.. very descriptive and emotional =) i guess i really like that book!!! so touching... ya and that irene damn crappy also.. haha.. cute =P
most of the things went on quite well today.. luckily i have my dar wanni to accompany me... just realised what a bitch really is... and i know why some people don't seem to have any friends at all...
haha... =P thought of such person makes my blood boil. so fucking fake!!!!! when there's all benefits, that person will be around, making sure that he/she is so busy doing something.. but that's all bull. that person's gonna be lazing around when there's no one there. but again... who's not like that? but really cant stand those that are like so fucking fake they forget their friends when they find new ones... doing anything to gain attention and status. fuck them man.. can't do much in life with all that kinda bitchin'! i think rather go and sell ur body right... dun need to eat on potatoes... act as if u're like so nice. i say.. fuck u man~
okay.. yes, this is a FUCKt up day.. can't deny it.. will not deny it... =(
i still have lotsa grudges to pour out.. but... can't be bothered. at least half of what's on my mind is out.. i feel better now
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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00:52
Monday, November 24, 2003
wat a day! kinda fun lar.. but also boring. that's what production is about ain't it? waiting and waiting.. so is this the kinda life i want in future? half yes, half no.. it's like.. no life?? but it was really fun workin wif goh and his colleagues. and the talents were real nice too.. they don't put on airs, totally friendly. and i'd glad.. they haven't got their eyes grown on their noses. didn't really learn much today.. but i didn't regret going. filming @ ntuc was really.. hmm... attention seeking? there were like so many people going in and out.. and it's like all eyes were on us.. and i felt like a total idiot... standing there doing nothing. haha.. but nah.. it's okay. i don't get paid anyway. saw xY today.. dun think she saw me. but who care's.. she's juz a nobody.. haha.. and they will be the ones snatching our so called rice bowl!!!
oh.. tired now.. haha.. better go get some sleep. ta!
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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22:43
Saturday, November 22, 2003
was suppose to go for band prac @ phs this morning.. elsie called me at like 8 plus.. but i was sleeping. then told her i was gonna be at band @ around 10.. but i didn't turn up at all.. hehe.. i guess she knows i'm lazy. well... i AM.. it's like this bad habit =P
anyway, slacked around at home the whole day. nothing much to do... just went to surf on websites... found some schools specialising in audio.. and la salle and nafa. dunno if i should like do a part time course on audio or jewellery... still thinking. and nafa.. don't know when's the enrollment. or maybe i should like just wait till i graduate? argh.. my future is... unknown.
went to practice my scales on piano.. realised i can't really play pop songs on that thing... can only play sentimental ones. don't think i have the talent of creating original songs.. x( and it's like i so much wanna be a musican... oh man...
starting to wonder what are my triats.. it's like i'm plain jane.. nothing that makes people look up to me.. like.. got no special stuff to show the world..yupperz...
maybe some people are just born like that.. just have to accept it.
sounding darn pessimistic today.. dunno why...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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23:44
tired~ already yawning since 8pm.. went for band prac @ phs today. realised my playing has "Deproved".. playin from bad to worse. can't even pitch some notes... in the past, i could have easily played those notes.. kinda disgraceful. and my sound is like... always cracking. not as round as before.. feel like kinda extra now.
anyway, went down to orchard with joan, jones, elsie and layhoon. layhoon went to work @ marketplace.. whereas elsie left halfway to watch saf band. was suppose to go with her.. but i think it's like kinda boring to watch the concert.. so i stayed on with the double Js. yup.. going out with joan is... very embarrassing. she'd do actions and talk and laugh so loudly the whole world will look at her. but that's what makes going out with her fun... she's really like MAD. insane, i would say... but gets over the limit sometimes. and after all those fun, she'd suddenly turn so quiet it's scary.
yup.. the buskers festival is now on.. and we came across this acrobatic along orchard rd... somewhere near lucky plaza. he was really an entertainer.. told us jokes and made us laugh. the whole thing was very fun and entertaining. he played on the.. "what's dat called.. - unicycle?" dunno the name.. and very skillful at it. he also juggled knives... long ones... small size, yet very strong =) reminds me of e red bull advertistment =P
yeah.. made HIM cry again today. i'm not trying to be mean but... oh hello... no one is selfless in this world. if you don't love someone, it'd be simply difficult to carry on with him in your life. the most i can tolerate is.. we be friends. but he asked me to kill him first.. gosh...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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00:10
Thursday, November 20, 2003
it's been two days since the shoot @ zouk.. but my life feels kinda empty. during the two days at zouk, it's like i dunno wat's sunlight. inside the place for so many hours.. and @ zouk, it's like i have no problems.. then now that i'm at home, i feel like so empty. like a bit used to the kinda life.. the production life? but that's for like 2 days. dunno if i were to take up that line... would i be able to take it. argh...
been spending time doing my website.. but it's taking ages.. i'm taking so much time to do a real simple webpage.
oh now that i don't go zouk... i won't have reasons to off my mobile phone. he keeps calling me... and.. i don't wanna talk to him, really... i don't like to. what's the point of continuing when you don't have any feelings anymore... sigh.. and he's such a leech... can't let go. love's like that. it's harsh, it's cruel.... =(
sad day... kept dreaming of funny things. but still regretting not taking pics with don richmond. gosh i shuda taken it hor... =~(
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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18:21
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
wee~~ finally not too tired!! haha... spend two days at zouk doing the VOLUME shoot. it was real cool.. three bands came down. astreal, pug jelly and DON RICHMOND!!! i think the three bands are kinda good. i especially like don. he's like a really sweet guy, romantic.. at least it SEEMS to me.. haha.. my friends went to take a pic wif him, but i was too shy.. cos i kept blushing when i saw him. gosh... =P oh yeah pug jelly is kinda cool too. their song is like.. kinda "avril". yupperz... and they sure a cheeky guys. and astreal.. i like the lead singer. she's very cute and pretty.. and very slim =) makes me envy, these groups.. been thinking of setting up a band for like years.. but haven't met anyone who's on the same frequency as me... and no one i know seems interested. gawd.
anyway, the first day at zouk was kinda... hmm... boring. got nothing much to do.. but at least, we have something to boast about. like we can say we went to zouk for a shoot.. and it's like.. a different thing from wat we do at school. though we're doing it for free, i feel the experience is seriously invaluable. or is it valuable? dunno.. learned to use the mixer.. very scared the sound gets cracked.. cos i couldn't really hear from the headphones as the speakers were damn overpowering. but thank god.. we have a master.. brando. haha..
well, the second day was a lot more fun. went into the console rm.. got two engineers to teach us.. was like damn cool. one was a bit old, maybe in his thirties. but he taught me how to play around with the lighting at zouk.. like can change patterns, move it etc. real cool~ and i kept bugging the sound engineer(s).. like ask them tonnes of questions.. haha.. but they were great la. taught us quite something. brando was great too! but he's really quiet. i feel bad when people around me are quiet.. so like i have a tendency to check at him to see he's okay.. though i dunno him well. haha... but my fren.. i wun mention who she is.. but ahemz... ahha.. i'm a big scared of her la. cos ahemz... i kept talking to brando and ... i'm wondering if she's jealous. cos she likes brando. but i haven't asked brando if he's got a gf.. i dun dare ask leh... he might think that i'm interested in him. and that'd be real bad.. haha.. i'd feel embarrassed. anyway, goh is the nicest guy. he's now my god-pa. cool rite~ haha.. but nah.. i think all of the fun will just end there, yesterday night. after that, we might not even recognise each other on the streets.. not for me.. cos i usually remember almost everything. that's probably why i don't study well =P
also, the shoot made me closer to my classmates. they aren't that bad... haha... had a fun time. i'd never forget these two days..
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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11:08
Saturday, November 15, 2003
what a day! went for the Learn I.T USE I.T thingy today. damn tiring.. actually not so lah. most of the time cheryl was running around. hehz.. cheryl my friend. she's the in charge for our group. can see that she's relaly doing her role well... and she loves it. and all of us group members are like slacking away.. hehehe... really hated the day. guess the only person who enjoyed it was cheryl. yeah.... can flaunt her leadership skills. which she shouldn't be shy of..
yeah.. the food provided sucked. the rice was like half cooked.... and damn dry. not used to it. the ingredients are like... not tasty. very bland. but nah.. i stuffed the ingredients down.. was too hungry.
kinda pissed off today. she kept critisizing about almost everything. i mean like.... i have my own style of doing things.. and she doesn't have to control... yeah same old thing.... thinks she's damn gorgeous. which in actual fact, she is not... more cute... but also quite pretty la. but well... yup in my opinion, i think liting is damn pretty.. can really make guys drool. such a sweet, innocent face.. and yet that girl says she's "aunty". like hello.... no one's perfect.. and even if you don't think she's pretty, liting's of a certain calibre.. no one has ever said she looked bad. man.. i think girl, u gotta like change this character of urs. i hope you read this..though i'd suspect u'll be angry.. but it's like.. stop critisizing everyone and everything you see. everybody around you have their own feelings. and you're not the best, you're not perfect. so keep some comments to yourself.. yup.. not trying to sound mean here, but trust me, ur friends will all come back to you after you change all these habits.. and ur life will be happier.. yeah.. i guess
this entry is like full of anger.. hahaha.. but nah.. dun care~ i seriously hope u'll be better. dun want this to sour our friendship.. u're really a nice girl, and i kinda like you. but sometimes u just have to watch your mouth =)
finally shared something in common wif siti. we both hate e wushu and lion dance ppl. we can't click wit these people man... she cant click wif the wushu guys.. cos i think they're racists. yeah... many chinese are like that. so fake. and liondance.. i can't click wif them.. it's like.. well u know... =)
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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19:25
tired!!!!! been up since 7am... and gonna wake up at 5am later.. hahaha.. looks like i'm gonna be real PANDA... means super dark rings. Hee... ah anyway, i'm glad, very glad. i teach my student english, maths and science. he's got another maths and chinese teacher. but for the subjects that i teach mainly english and science, he passed with quite good grades. from fail to pass.. hehe.. and the other two.. math and chinese he failed.. hahaha~ aiyoZz... am i a good teacher or what! =P darn i'm so proud of myself. hehe
ahemz... went for sheseido make up class today. was kinda fun.. i learnt quite some tips as to how to apply beauty products and cosmetics. we had a hands on session. but i didn't really like their make up products.. especially their foundation and concealer. after applying, i felt as if i was painting my face with eye shadow, blusher without putting the base. kinda weird.. used green eyeshadow. but think it suits me quite well.. yeah~ and the mascara kinda lifted my eyes.. made my eyes look brigther. and some guys actually smiled at me. goodness.. they must be cock eyed. hahaha.... okay.. damn tired.. shall go sleep. niteZz!!!
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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01:11
Thursday, November 13, 2003
looks like the holidays are passing very fast. soon, it's gonna be over.. and back to school again. I know i'm only like.. 1/4 through the hols.. but... time really flies. i only have like 2 weeks to complete my script, and i haven't got started. argh.. such a disgrace.. and i'm telling the whole world. hehe... never mind... =P i don't know what disgrace is.
while surfing through friendster, found quite a lot of friends.. made new friends, found lost friends. that's really great... surfing on friendster and listening to sentimental music at the same time.. has got an impact on me. i agree with lydia... while on friendster, many memories flowed back. like the days in secondary school. those days were really nice... no worries.. just go school and play. those days were so fun, those people, those friends... i'll never forget class 3i, 4i... they were the best companions anyone could have.. despite 90% of the guys being part of the nerd club.. they had their plus points. i remember that time kwok yang stole the bus 74 plate and had it in the class photo.. and i remember how the principal responded when she saw that pic.. hehe.. oh the good ol'days... and i remember how lydia and junyang used to scold each other.. insulting each other's ass and lips.. oh how interesting that scene was...
in polytechnic, in the "real world".. everyone's so fake... sometimes you don't know who's true and sincere, and who's totally fake... sigh.. the world's like a trap.. and i'm walking right into that trap, that maze... but it's what makes life interesting.. challenges.. if not, why live at all? yup...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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10:03
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
finally.. after slacking for so long, i guess this is the first time for the holidays that i'm gonna declare that I'M finally gonna be BUSY!!! yeah... went for the video briefing at zouk last night. we were suppose to meet at 9pm.. but the whole thing only actually started at 10.. it was like waiting and waiting and waiting. and we were so kiasu we actually went at 8.. haha.. but never mind.. it was a real tiring day yesterday. got up at 7 plus, go school for an hour's briefing for the IDA learn it thingy... but didn't know what the woman was raving about.. haha...
and goodness i am so very excited about monday.. we're gonna be shooting for some mtv show featuring asian bands. yeah... and it should kinda be a dismay to my click.. cos all of them... i don't know. different style i guess.. they're only in for popular stars like nicholas tse, f4 that kinda shit. for me.. i'd prefer originality. i like to support asian bands.. cos i think they are the real talents. don't depend on look at all. and that's real cool.
anyway, production on monday and tuesday start at 7am and ends at 2am.. so i won't be sleeping for 48 hours.. around there. though i don't get to sleep.. and it so happens my hobby is sleeping.. ahemz.. i think it's worth it. i don't get paid or anything, but this is the kinda life i'm looking forward to. it's either production or jewellery business. yeah still thinking. have to seriously think about it during year 3. yup... i bet i'm gonna drill our "master" the soundman - brando. wanna learn some trades from him.. hopefully can establish a friendship.. den he can bring me or us on events.. learn. haha... that's just so cool~
went to be "Calafare" for mike today. also, waiting and waiting. production's all about waiting i guess... haha... had to massage the model's leg for like.. 6 times? at least i get to sit in a considerably comfortable position.. hehe...
uh is anything wrong with me, listening to mozart and gregorian chants? i just like to experiment kinds of music.. and since i'm reading the "mozart effect", why not try out what i've read about and see if anything changes. the book tells us that all kinds of music do have different effects on our soul.. and i do agree... cos i think i'm open enough to experiment with different genres. my friends are like... "instrumental? chants? classical?!! these really ain't my type. i'd rather die" but nah.. i think that's all crap. they're just too proud man/.. i mean these are really good sounds.. they balance u up. yup... u'd be a better person mentally.. physically.. just count on the atkin's diet. haha
kinda can't stand one of my friends... she's like a spoilt kid man. i know that some people can't stand long production hours.. but since u've chosen it, live it up. that's my motto in life. do what you want and don't complain. and with her, she's like forever complaining, comparing... damn. i don't like it. just WHAT is it with so called... "chinese" singaporeans? like so ah soh.. i mean i'm not a banana.. but i just can't synchronize my thoughts with these typical singaporeans. i mean.. does it do any good to compare with each other? like... u have a gucci and i don't.. or u have a prada and i gotta get something more exquisite. is that what life is? i don't think so... i believe in myself. as long as i'm contented with what i have, it's fine. i think i'd be damn stressed if i were to compare all the time. i know competitiveness is good.. but too much UNECCESARY ones are really.. absurd.
argh.... anyone in the same waveline as me? haha.. what kinda waveline am i??? i don't know..
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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22:29
Saturday, November 08, 2003
been slacking the day away. since i woke up.. 7:30am. suppose to go for my lion dance.. but since the in charge was so irresponsible.. to think he messaged me at 1am in the morning saying "hey hey.. sorry i FORGOT to inform you. meet 9am tomorrow". Man what's this shit.. it's obvious that i'm just a spare tyre in the club. ANd it doesn't really matter if i go or don't go today. and it obviously doesn't matter if the club has one less person. yeah.. my passion for lion dance.. my passion for performing lion dance has died. not relaly died, but i don't feel a sense of belonging in the club. and that's what i hate about life. not having a sense of belonging to a certain community. it's dreadful, that kinda feeling...
oh anyway, heck the lion dance.
Well... my mind's in a whirl right now.. been like that since the holidays. have a lot of things to do, but i don't know where to start from. started writing my story for the national scriptwriting competition. i really hope i can produce a good script and submit my work. i really love writing stories.. and if possible, i would like to be a script writer.. free lance. sigh... life's full of shit, isn't it?
and now.. what do i have to worry about? i can't remember.. can someone teach me how to be brutal and tell me how to break up? i'm afraid something will happen to him if we break up.. but what's the point of carrying on if you don't have any feelings for the other party anymore? he has put temendous pressure on me that i can almost gone mad. i go paranoid whenever he calls me.. i don't dare to answer his calls when i'm outside. cos if i am outside with friends, chilling out or shopping, he'd get angry. i can't stand this kinda life. it's just so.. not me. i love freedom, i don't enjoy being chained!! but how to tell him? i tried last night.. he said he doesn't want to.
my friend asked me to take a step at a time.. well.. i'll try...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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20:51
Friday, November 07, 2003
yowZa!!! didn't update my blog yesterday. was too tired man.. anyway went to sentosa yesterday. it was frustrating... imagine going to a beach without sun?!?! yeah it was cooling.. but i wanted the sun so.. BADLY!!! but we had an eye feast.. the elite models were there!! goodness.. they had such beautiful bodies!!!! some were very pretty... but what i will not deny is that they are extremely beautiful women.. sexy and leggy.. not a spot of scar! i like one of them. she's like an avril lavigne type - without any make up. she's a natural... tanned, sporty and she plays volleyball real good! hehe... didn't regret going there. but i wanna go again.. i simply just love the beach. it beats the other beaches on mainland singapore... hehe.. didn't see any hunks though. but the caucasion who took pics for us.. he's very sweet and jovial.. haha.. counted "1,2,5" ... duhz...
thought we could watch wishing stairs today.. but the movie's at 11 something pm... i'd get scared. haha... lalala~ till then
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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11:26
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
yes!! finally exams are over.. boy am i so glad! but now i'll just play and play... but i still hope i won't need to retake any of the modules!! haha.. pray hard man.
just can't wait for tomorrow to come... wanna go sentosa. and pray that it doesn't rain! been waiting for weeks just for this very day... i wanna have so much fun tomorrow. uh today's blog's short lar... wanna sleep.. yawnz...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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23:47
hehz.. looks like i'm sticking to one blog per day? well that's cos i'm so busy okay.. busy sleeping. gosh last paper tomorrow.. or should i say it's later?? well anyway.. i'm glad this sickening exam period and the school semester is ending. sure hope i can pass all modules and go on to the next stage. really don't wanna dwell on... don't wanna retain! yes.. just can't get into the mood of studying for MMMI tomorrow... i guess i can do with the listening part.. i'm scared of the synthesizers and midi nuts and bolts.. dunno wat the whole chapter is talking about, the midi nuts and bolts.. sickening.. it'd be better if it's all only about music.. no technology stuff. haha...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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00:48
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
wow amazing... one blog for today! cool... haha... well in a damn bitchy mood today. been slacking around. suppose to study for my tbcm, but i kinda feel like hackin it. and damn pissed off now. don't feel like talking to anyone else. just wnana like lie down and slack whole day.. slack till my body rot. man.. and my father just asked me to check out the air fares to melbourne. and dammit.. i dunno how to.. so i just found a few travel agencies ask him call them for quotations.. even doing that made me irritated... cos.. he kept nagging at me. fuck. and stupid brother.. got nothing better to do. hate it when he does that.. like to go round the bush then reveal the facts. damn. PMS - the time of the month.. i sense it coming...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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00:05
Monday, November 03, 2003
sigh.. can't sleep! guess i ate too much and slept too much today.. my tummy's really bloated. gotta shed those pounds! and it's gonna be a tough process. oh someone! please come into my life... control my binging!! and that someone doesn't need to be my boyfriend.. no misconceptions pls. haha... life... holidays are coming near. was looking so much forward to it. it seems i had a lot of things to do during my holidays.. but now.. it's so empty. why haven't mike wiluan called us?? i was so looking forward to it. meanwhile... i'm hanging on a fish string. dangling there, helpless, confused. what's the future of a multimedia student? and what's the future of a film and media studies student? do these two students end up the same state or is the film student gonna do more in life?
a biz man said "no matter what industry you are in, whether it's an "in" industry or not, as long as you know how to do the business the right way, you're in business". that's rather true... so should i pursue my interest? btw.. my goal (for now) for my future.. is to be a full time sound engineer and free lance jewellery designer. had thought to take up a certificate course @ nafa.. but that time, we didn't have enough people to start a class. may god bless that this december.. there are enough people... i'm kinda discouraged ler..
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
03:14
Sunday, November 02, 2003
lala... yeah.. finally it's night time. been waiting for night to fall... it's such a boring day. just ate and slept the day away. what a bum! was thinkin of asking my fren who's living just a few blocks away from me.. wanna ask him like go drink coffee or play bowling. but he's got activities... saw his webbie.. so cute. got letters to his future wife and so on. and i realised he likes to take bare chested pictures of himself... haha...
erhm. what more to write... think i'm falling in love.. with... my dog. she's such a sweetie.. though she's very greedy. whenever there's food, you'll find her. crystal's her name. i love her.. sometimes it seems.. it's better to love a dog than human? not that realistic... but if one day she dies.. i don't know what will happen... i love her too much.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
20:49
hmmz.. another boring sunday. suppose to have tuition today, at 3:30pm. but the mum called and cancelled the class. posponed it to.. tomorrow morning 8:30am.. damn.. why am i in the holiday mood already? my life's come to a standstill. i see no point in carrying on. my friends.. they are just temporary.. i don't know.. i have this feeling that they find me weird. and i've yet found any good friends.. i mean really good. maybe i do have one.. that's sandra.. she's nice.. but sometimes can't stand her. but of all the people i have met... she's okay loh..
irritating.. am i someone who bear grudges? i don't think so.. i just can't forget everything that has happened in my life.. till now i can still remember my classmates in primary one. not all, but most of them.. so am i someone who bears grudges?
well he finally called.. but... i'm not sure if i wanna continue this relationship. cos... i find that.. i've been hurt, my heart is shattered. there's no point in going on anymore. what should i do? i don't wanna hurt him..
yeah i know.. i seek advise from others.. but i dun heed them. i like to follow my own heart. listening to advices are onLy contradicting me. why don't i heed advices? the whole and only reason is that.. these people don't understand. yep.. till then..
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
14:16
Saturday, November 01, 2003
am i contradicting or what.. keep finding stuff to do. rather do my blogging.. rather talk to myself.. serious. i know no one i know is reading all this shit i'm writing here.. but i don't care.. i'm reading it myself! damn.. can't forget the stuff the people whom i regard as my good friend.. can't forget the stuff they said to me.. were totally cruel.
i mean .. hello.. what's wrong with inter cultural relationships? i mean like.. what's wrong with falling in love with someone in a different race? and the race i often notice are... indians? don't know.. i find them nice.. cool.. but my friends and family find it other wise. i know there are a lot of indians whom i deem as.. bad... but not all indians are like that.. like chinese. there are also chinese gangsters who do nothing but smoke, club and drink. but there are also some who don't do all these nonsense. so why are these people around me so stereo typed? i agree wif my net fren.. love noes no boundaries. but i was most mad when my friends said.. "why must you always look at indians?" damn.. i hate it. they're so racist.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
17:23
man it's raining.. just woke up after my long map.. yup.. 2.5 hours.. that's rather long. longest nap i've ever had. but still.. i seriously need a lot more rest. and it's like raining so heavily now.. with lighting all over the place.. i'm kinda scared to go out. it's sick okay.. i'm like in some kinda holiday mood. though i still have like 2 more papers to go.. and i need to go give tuition. this rain storm is making me dread going out now.. such a nice time to sleep k.. so cooling.. hehz.. well hE finally called. but i don't know whether to forgive him or not... he really hurt me the other time. and that's not the first time.. sigh.. k.. better write next time.. my mind's in a blank now
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
17:16
looks like nowadays all i can do.. is just grump and grump.. life's like in the dumps.. dunno what's wrong with me.. or is it with my ears really..? thought i was suppose to have lion dance training today.. but it's actually next saturday...my senior kenneth called me like... on thursday or wednesday.. and said things like what.. saturday, 9:30am.. so obviously i thought he was saying this saturday... since like a few more days it's saturday. gosh.. and it appeared that it's on the 8th.. goodness.. and to think i slept at 3am.. waking up at 7:30.. reach school at 9:30.. to find nobody at school.. am i dumb or wat... it's the second time now... i feel like a complete idiot going for training when the training is cancelled and unable to make it when there's training... argh.. till next time~
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
13:43
damn.. what a day this was.. first, had to like pretend nothing happened. gotta like stay damn happy... was trying real hard to cover all my sadness, my anger, my lonliness. friends that i though were my good friends.. did they even give a damn? I guess it's really THAT difficult to find a good friend. those that i can rely on are very sparse... and that asshoLe... what's he doin? What the fuck does he want.. i don't know if i should just cancel the phone line.. i mean since he doesn't call me... he said wats the point of calling me. imagine your boyfriend saying that to you.. and it's like he's been always so possesive, so unreasonable.. and worst still.. he isn't local.. working as a construction worker. who would want? i find that.. i dunno how we started. it's just a game... but i guess i've fallen deep into this game... and if i were to quit now.. i will hurt myself.. and him... but if i continue.. the damage will be more severe.. i'll see.. if he doesn't call me in another 3 days time.. he's gotta take his lil booty and pack home.. i'm gonna cancel his line.. but again... wat will the phone bills be like? thousand bucks? possible? don't know... perplexed..
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
01:34
