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Saturday, November 29, 2003

got semester module grades today... haha!!! damn happy~ but no As... but still... haha... i won't tell the secret... or i might appear as... a snob.
well anyway, not feeling too at peace today. a while ago, i was happy with my results. but soon, the words thomas told me soon streamed in... all those things about my inner most feelings.. how i felt... and i thought of ali... gosh.
well... i guess the trip to san francisco would do us both good.. have a break.. and i guess, after that... i'll just cut off the line.. once i get the bill.. and say tata to him. it's all too easy to say... difficult to carry it out.. cos.. i'm too soft hearted. sigh.. well, what to do... i guess i have to stop it all then... argh... i really feel so pressurized now. ya know.. when i told him i was going on a holiday for 2 weeks.. he said i was not allowed to go. he said i can't go. i was like.. fuck. you don't own me... it was always how he felt, not how i felt. when i requested to break up, he said didn't i care about his feelings. he love me so much, how can i "throw" him away.. but he didn't ask me how i felt, why i wanna end it all.. and it was always him him him and he always blames me for making his heart break, making him cry, making him lose his appetite.. who can i blame? blame his god? he was always depending on his god... is this the way to live? to depend on your god? what to say.. argh... my hands are trembling, my heart is quivering.. i am so damn lost, so confused.. and so angry. i wanna scream it all out... i wish someone understood me.. i wish someone can help me
Dreamed a PuRpLe DrEaM
@
14:18