Thursday, January 29, 2004
woo.. cny's over. and things are really starting to speed up. just like the escalators at NEL. ya know.. when no one's on the escalator, the speed is like damn slow. once you step on the silver platform before actually going on the escalator, you can actually see the steps moving at quite a fast speed. i'd say it's like not really good for elderly!!!
hehe.. been doing my project research on the NEL... and had some disagreements with one of the group members. she's like acting damn stupidly.. i hate to use that word "stupid". i've never meant anyone "stupid" before... it's like.. i dunno. her actions just make me call her "STUPID". asking stupid, silly questions... just like plain lazy. damn. i dunno wat my other friends think of me when i call that girl "stupid". i should just shut my mouth right.. but i can't stop. guess wanni's right.. i'm the one who bears grudges. but well, i don't.. den again, my actions show that i do.. haha.. watever. =P
luckily i've got lotsa mental relief from helai~ hehe he's my new bud =) cheerful guy.. my pistachio!!! never fails to make me laugh.. yeah that's good..
and gosh... he's sleeping now. haha.. and i gotta like rush my design assignment.. and wat am i doing? rushing tomorrow's tutorial... can't sleep tonite i guess.. haha..
and.. the whole house's so darn smoky.. cos we're prayin =)
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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23:50
Saturday, January 24, 2004
3rd day of chinese new year. just came back home... went to watch magic kitchen just now.. wif helai. first time meetin him, though we were from the same sec school. but anyway, he was real crappy... never laugh so much for like a long time.. haha.. lame jokes, but fun. well well well... =P
this year's cny seem rather draggy... like i though it's saturday yesterday. yupperz... meetin my group members later.. at 2pm to do our project. wonder if they'll remember to turn up.. if not, i'll just go shop around. hope the shops are open!!
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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02:50
Thursday, January 22, 2004
woo~ it's finally CNY!!! but like so fast.. used to be in february. this year, it's in january. not really prepared for it... hehe.. and all my school assignments are piling up!!! but gotta enjoy my new year, get lotsa red packets first =P
and... chase my lion dance troupes.. hehe.. i get so totally excited when i hear the sound of drums and cymbals during chinese new year... really gives the new year mood~
okiEe.. better go get some sleep now... gotta wake up early. goin temple~
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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01:56
Monday, January 19, 2004
it's been kinda hectic these days. suddenly realised i'm one week away to my first assignment due date... 30th january. not really one week.. but almost there. and gawd... i don't even have the slightest idea what to do.. what's gonna happen in 2020? whole human race evacuated?? and birds controlling the whole world. ya rite.. great imagination...
can't even think properly today. mind's in sleeping mode. haven't woke up.. i mean.. haven't really woke up. damn tired..
i got a new year card from jason today =) was quite happy that he's starting to pick up his life.... i hope he doesn't go back to his old ways when he comes out to face the world.. and i hope he'll find jobs easily. and seeing how much christianity has changed him, i feel glad that he has this faith in God.. though i'm not christian. sometimes it's really funny why most buddhists are gangsters and they convert to christians after years of damage to their own lives... weird world.
these few nights.. i've been allowing esh to come back to my mind. but.. it hasn't really affected my sleep yet.. just sometimes i feel this idiotic sore in my heart. i'll just have to push those thoughts away and i'll be fine... no sms from him at all. i should just delete his number right.. anyway.. he doesn't treat me as a friend anymore. argh. anyway... haha... =P
k gonna reply to jason now...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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22:46
Saturday, January 17, 2004
just came back home, took a bath. feelin real nice now... a little tired, but still don't feel like sleeping. went to comgraph animation screening today. was very nice!!! the people creating those animations were really good.. not only good graphics, but also good story lines! and extremely creative.. seems like few singaporeans are able to think of such good stories... or just that i never thought singaporeans could? don't know.. just feel there isn't enought creative space for us to express ourselves. like there's a constraint. tiring day, almost fell asleep once or twice.. haha...
met jie wei on the bus. nice thing to meet an old friend sometime near midnite aint it? we talked so much.. was a pity she didn't have a hp.. or we could come out for coffee some day. though we weren't that close in secondary school, we could really talk. other than bumping into jie wei, saw paul as well. with his rainbow sunshades at his neck. haha... but he din see me. he seems troubled or some thing.. haha.. anywayz...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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00:52
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
oh gwad what a day!!! this must be the WORST day of 2004!! and there i was in the morning, writing CNY cards to everyone, wishing "May 2004 be a better year ahead!" and damn! it sure isn't a good start.. well, it was.. for a week. but today is.. disastrous!!!
guess what... we split into groups. for DEUI (Design for User Interface), we got GASTON. he's like damn weird, always talking to himself.. ignoring us. Sometimes we even forgot he existed. But he's kinda... like miraculous. can give the best presentations even though he doesn't seem to know what we're doing as he's always jumping around, doing anything but sitting down to discuss.
and blow no. 2: had to group with Joven for Entrepreneurship. Okay la.. talking to him is fine.. until he didn't seem to understand the topic!?!! ya... impractical. and disorganized. whatever that i thought he was all vanished. gawd. and entrepreneurship is what i wanna get good grades for... cos KE was an entrepreneur of the year! and i dun wanna let her down!!!!
and never mind.. blow no. 3: when my whole mind is like exploding tryin to convince myself everything's gonna be fine, aL gotta sms me.. to help her upload her resume onto the yahoo account. and it's like... i've tried doing that lotsa times, it's like.. inappropriate. no employee would wanna receive a mail that asks him to direct to another website right? anyway... can't convince her. cos.. she doesn't wanna use the phone! and i'm like so fuckin stressed up now.. she's PUSHING me to hurry up. like hello... i'm not your husband lor. i don't owe you anything.. but like i'm helping her cos i sympathise with her. but she's not doing anything to help herself at all. why should i continue all my efforts? all the time, i've been tryin to look out for job ads for her.. and she doesn't wanna try goin for interviews at all. cos of the pay that's too low or long working hours... GOSH. how dumb can someone be?!?!
this world is getting too much. haven't been sleeping for 2 nights.. and tonight, i don't think i can sleep as well... my head's getting damn big now.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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23:06
can't sleep... don't know why. felt very sleepy yesterday night at like 10 plus.. in fact, it was a very tiring day yesterday. Still, i couldn't get myself to sleep. Been like that for 2 days.. am I suffering from insomnia? Gawd... was sleeping so well just now - until 3 something am... had to get up to shit. well.. shitting really WOKE ME UP. damn. disrupt my sleep.. haha.. but i gotta be responsible and answer nature's call. or she's gonna be real mad =P
hopefully when i go back to lie down on bed later... i'll shut down immediately...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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04:48
Sunday, January 11, 2004
had quite a great day today. been happy lately... feel very comfortable, satisfied with my life. like... since school started, i feel quite optimistic about the whole thing. yeah... but only ali's irritatin calls make me boil. other than that, all's well... got over esh also. haha.. though not totally, but almost. and.. it doesn't affect me anymore =)
went for alvin's chalet today. went too early, only a few of us there... his frens were nice.. haha... drank red wine. and damn.. alvin's helluva drinker. like... drunkard sia.. keep drinking. think in 3 hours he like drank 3 cans of beer and few cups of red wine. gosh.. and he's still rather sane. though he had the alcohol smell. haha...
after that went to marriott... ate dinner wif e family.. celebrate my aunt's bdae. ate quite a lot.. and.. they said i grew fat =( but well... i don't deny it.. think i gained like 2-3kg... since i came back from the holidays.... haha... bad.
but well... i'm gonna lose weight!!! haha... hopefully can lose 2-3 kg soon...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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00:43
Saturday, January 10, 2004
Dear BLOG :
HI! how're you? Haven't seen you for 2 days? Don't know.. seem like 2 days.. haha.. anyway...
life's been quite good these 2 days.. been busy.. i gotta tell you - school rawks!!! i simply love school now. love all the modules. they're all so interesting!!! sure hope i'll maintain this kinda enthusiasm throughout the sem!! haha.... fun =)
today had MUMI. and we had a new lecturer - Job Tan.. he happens to arrange the PHS school song also.. yeah so I was kinda glad to know him. haha... lucky me!!!
and oh.. esh msged me. k la.. i din feel much. i guess i'm recovering real well from the heartache!!! but well.. he's a lil sick... haha.. love sick i guess. he wanna get a gf soon... hee... just like me. need love. watever...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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00:29
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
dunno what's on my mind recently. just feel... kinda... hmm... uncomplete? like a part of me is missing.. i guess i was so affected by the dissapearance of esh in my life.. i wasn't feeling really THAT sad for the lost love over him. i guess what i really had.. was fear.. the deep fear in me. the deep fear that wasn't only from the love i wanted.. what i wanted was what we had, what we started our with in the first place. it was our friendship.. a long lasting friendship i had thought we would establish as time goes by. but this want has changed into a need.. i need a friend like him.. to come comfort me, console me, be an asshole.. i wanna know what's going on in his life.. so i felt so terribly hurt when he left me .. so silently... and taking my heart, breaking this friendship, putting this friendship to a stop.. just like that.. for a short one week, i didn't really feel alone. now, i feel worst than i was before i met him... but... he won't give a damn....
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
22:52
darn cold in here... having IWED now.. IWED = interactive web design. think the temp must be like hmm.. 15 degrees? and noe wat.. the whole class has gone for break loh. k they're back. but feelin damn bored... wat's the lecturer doing? i dunnoe...
didn't sleep very well last nite. woke up at 2 and tossed and turned until 4... dunno wat's wrong. luckily i had di blasio. he really helped in creating sleepy moods.. haha..
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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11:22
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
went to the gym today... exercised for hm... one hour and 20 mins. longest i had ever exercised at the gym! usually only like exercise for 45 mins.. haha. k.. went on the stationary bike.. cycled for 20 mins - damn relaxed. burned 170 cals there.. haha.. hmm.. then went on that pulley thingy.. did that for only 15 mins.. cos too boring. that one only burnt like 30 cals. then did the strider machine... did for like hm.. 20 mins yup. burned... dunno how many cals. i stopped counting the cals. that's all... well, felt very exhausted while doing the strider. cos i had to stride at a rather regular speed. if not it'll ask me to stride faster... and it had to prompt me to do that quite a lot of times.. haha.. cos i was tired and well.. looking at the people lifting weights. well.. that's gym for a start!!! i must make it a point to go gym at least once a week and go jogging at least 3 times a week.
and gawd... saw that bodybuilder wif the limp dick again. went to the gym during the holidays, maybe like 1 or 2 months back. and i saw looking at this group training. then that guy suddenly walked up and i thought i saw something limp and uh... small swaying under his pants... it was so obvious i just stared at it at the while.. and u know what that guy did? goodness! he smiled at me.. YUCKS. disgusting.. and heard from radon lotsa them don't like to wear undies while training. more comfy.
hoho.. went to school at 1. tutorials today. only went for 2 cos one of them was cancelled. i think i'll love entrepreneurship. yeah.... fun. at least, sounds fun.. and got lotsa presentations =) though i might sound as if i'm very excited about presentations - which i actually am, i don't do well at presentations.. haha... weird right. but well... i hope i'll do well la...
hmm.. today's tuesday. esh's back to camp.. dunno if he managed to ask the girl out. haha...
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
17:58
Monday, January 05, 2004
at school now. gonna end this lesson in like 10 mins... learnin flash. k la... at least got started. mesaged julian last nite.. that hope he'll have a good day at sch. haha.. he only replied today.. saying school's gonna suck. haha..
didn't do a lot today. but went to my mumi lesson... lecturer was tim r. but i think this is gonna be my fav module.. cos it's very music intensive... and i love music. haha.. can aim to be john williams ya... =P FAT HOPE!!!!
always halfway through "WAKE UP, I'M FAT". very nice book. the first half was about sad stuffs.. humiliation and anger... now, it's like the "chicken soup" version. inspirational...
tried very hard not to think of something.... but... i still can't. sigh... how do you get over a heartache? kumar says to drink a lot.... and not smoke. that's like only temporary... but hm!
i not gonna make that spoil my semester...!!!
okie class's ended! - sian. tutorial tml.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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15:51
Sunday, January 04, 2004
went for Audio Image practice today. i think i was one of the earliest there... but when i went into the band room, i thought it was AI's practice. thought was some other group... cos... there was not a single soul i knew.. well, except for adrian. but well.. most of them came from chung cheng main.
sight read 3 very difficult scores... can die arh... very fast paced... but i sure hope i can manage...
then went shopping at tampiness.. then to hougang mall. though alone, i felt totally in control of my life, my actions... haha.. but look like auntie arh... well, who cares... haha =P
tml school's opening.. i'm so happy and excited. i'm so much looking forward to the new things that'll take place this semester.. got quite a lot of things to learn this semester i guess.. my fav. module - music for moving images.. haha.. and we also have 3d animation and design aesthetics. i guess i'll love these 3 modules.. and i'll do my best for it. squeeze all e creative juices i have until my brain runs dry. hoho... well, good luck to me... i'm stepping towards adulthood.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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19:01
When you said forever, you meant a few months. When I said forever, I meant every day until I died. When you said always, you meant until you couldn't handle it anymore. When I said always, I meant until time ended. When you said you loved me, you meant I was no different from any other girl. When I said I loved you, I meant I had never felt what I felt for you.
nice quote right... got it from:
http://latestngreatest.netfirms.com/sadlove.htm
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
09:21
didn't sleep very well last night... but i sure slept long enough... slept at 11... and woke up at 8:30 this morning. still tired... tossed and turned in bed with my heart pounding fast.. and hard. can't figure out what's wrong with me. but i had a lot of nightmares - most of them was about my "fats". dreamt that ecause i was fat, i was unable to gain acceptance within this society.. even if i had a good character.
you'd realise that i'd go on and on about my weight problem... but i don't seem to do anything about it... well, i'm working on it. i know it takes time... i hate those who are slim naturally and tease the fatsos around... but well, i mustn't blame anyone that i'm BBB - big bold beautiful.
and... if one day i will lose weight... and those people who have kept a distance from me cos i'm fat.. and they come to me... i'll know that they're not worthy of my time... and i have a whole list of these people now. but i'll prove to them that it was the greatest mistake of their life ever knowing me. i'll make them pay for it.
i talked to esh yesterday on icq... i sensed that our friendship has come to a FULL STOP. i should just move on... i was taken into a web of lies. he's not that fab. he's not the one i thought i couldn't lose... and there sure wasn't anything commont that we shared.. maybe it sounded like we did have but well... i think he had analysed me.. which i had failed to do on him. i shoulda read between the lines when he spoke to me and not thinking that he's God and that all he said is straight within his heart. i've been too naive..
i think if he were reading this.. he might be puking. well.. he's unlucky la. i know what the world's like. it's most unlucky to have a fatso falling for any of you out there... and.. if she were to express her feelings for u, you might foam at the mouth and die. well... too bad. hopefully the new term will bring good things.. and like he hoped and wished ( to forget him).
i love camryn manheim. i love even more her attitude towards life.
i must admit... i'm kinda at the lowest point in life now. all hopes of friendship and love have dissolved. i'm starting to believe that guys are worthless. forgive me, guys... but... ever since last year... i told myself i wouldn't get married. but all you guys... your cock is your mind. cut off your cock and you're worthless. we women follow our heart... you follow your cock. cock = heart + mind. right? i know perfectly well.
i know this will be a very shocking post for people who know what kinda person am i... but well... this is me... well actually... being pain in the heart contributes to the bitterness of this post...
- naive little girl trapped in an 18 y o body. -
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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08:57
Saturday, January 03, 2004
"The world isn't lining up to love, respect, and employ fat people." - Camryn Manheim
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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11:21
Friday, January 02, 2004
went to see the doctor today... the doctor's getting prettier... despite the birth of a new child. haha.... she looks younger now than she had when she was pregnant. funny... anyway, she asked me if i was gonna lose more weight. i said yes, and she says it's good.. all the best.
went to the library today... and felt as if i was gonna die in the library. felt damn sick and weak. but givin tuition at 4 and 6:40... these 2 sessions were damn boring. wC is extremely naughty today... kept arguing with me. and oh.. his grandma gave me a perfume. i haven't opened it. i hope it doesn't smell weird. but why should i bother anyway... i don't put perfume. i stink.
things has been going through my mind today... don't know why. it's just one of those moody cock-ed up days.
anyway, i got even more deep in thought when i read this book "WAKE UP, I'M FAT"... it's a very inspirational book. It tells of how the author overcame difficulties faced by a plus sized woman.. it's somewhat similar to my situation.. but one of the things that she touched on made me realise something - that this truly is a superficial world. somewhat weird. when you're fat, you'll wonder why people don't realise beauty comes from the heart, but from the skin. cos fatties yearn to be accepted for their inner selves and not how they look like... cos.. well... we don't look good to get accepted. but when we're slim.. and it doesn't even matter if we look average or above average.. we'll still be accepted. when we're slim, we'll again wonder.. why are these fat people around? they're disgusting. it's a very close to my heart situation... i was fat last time. it was only recently that i slimmed down... and think of the wonderful things happening to me... hoho.. well...
i began to wonder... how is it that people can fall in love so easily in a moment and fall out of love the next? isn't it scary why some people can let the phrase "I Love You" flow out of them so easily that it's as if they're farting and it doesn't cause any harm to the recepient? I wish I could be the ones I'm talking about.. to be able to say "I Love You" so easily - and carelessly.. and also to fall in and out of love as and when i like. anyway, the person who'll get hurt is the opposite party... not me. isn't everyone in this world selfish? i don't know.. but it's finally gettin to me that.. no one in this world is gonna give a damn about what i feel. and.... most people put a false front. yup.. even my so called best bud does that.
i guess... i don't know. i just find that.. he's lying. i don't wanna know if he's telling me stuff straight from his heart or not. cos... i'll probably get the same lies. i'm kinda tired of socializing. yet... i yearn to socialise... life's a contradiction isn't it? well... to sum it off... life sux. well, life doesn't. love does
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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21:42
Thursday, January 01, 2004
feel really bad today. feel so damn weak. feel as if i was gonna faint anytime. slept at 5 something am in the morning and woke up at around 11. didn't even have a good place to sleep. slept in the living room. and almost fell down from the sofa.. haha... got woken up by my aunt. she wanted me to go take pictures of shop interiors today.. yeah, but i didn't charge the camera. so it was a wasted trip. anyway, we spent a lot of time tryin to buy a suitable blush for her. and bought 2 shirts for my 2 grans at home. got really tired walking on orchard road. i felt like a walking zombie. kinda unaware of the world around me.. my nose and ears were kinda blocked. so like the sounds were filtered.. and could hardly keep my mind turning.
but i thought i felt better after someone called me... haha my friend got molested. a guy lar.. got molested by a girl - i bet she's like damn sexy. ppl who club are like that loh... i dunno if i'm like some kinda conservative asshole or wat... but. i don't like the clubbing scene... i'm scared of the people there. most probably cos i don't have the figure to go to the dance floor.. haha... sian.
jayne asked me if i wanna go club wif her bf and his frens on wednesday.. at double o. i dunno if i wanna go - i dunno how to dress.. and, i might not like it... i take a rather long time to warm up to strangers.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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21:35
