Sunday, January 04, 2004
didn't sleep very well last night... but i sure slept long enough... slept at 11... and woke up at 8:30 this morning. still tired... tossed and turned in bed with my heart pounding fast.. and hard. can't figure out what's wrong with me. but i had a lot of nightmares - most of them was about my "fats". dreamt that ecause i was fat, i was unable to gain acceptance within this society.. even if i had a good character.
you'd realise that i'd go on and on about my weight problem... but i don't seem to do anything about it... well, i'm working on it. i know it takes time... i hate those who are slim naturally and tease the fatsos around... but well, i mustn't blame anyone that i'm BBB - big bold beautiful.
and... if one day i will lose weight... and those people who have kept a distance from me cos i'm fat.. and they come to me... i'll know that they're not worthy of my time... and i have a whole list of these people now. but i'll prove to them that it was the greatest mistake of their life ever knowing me. i'll make them pay for it.
i talked to esh yesterday on icq... i sensed that our friendship has come to a FULL STOP. i should just move on... i was taken into a web of lies. he's not that fab. he's not the one i thought i couldn't lose... and there sure wasn't anything commont that we shared.. maybe it sounded like we did have but well... i think he had analysed me.. which i had failed to do on him. i shoulda read between the lines when he spoke to me and not thinking that he's God and that all he said is straight within his heart. i've been too naive..
i think if he were reading this.. he might be puking. well.. he's unlucky la. i know what the world's like. it's most unlucky to have a fatso falling for any of you out there... and.. if she were to express her feelings for u, you might foam at the mouth and die. well... too bad. hopefully the new term will bring good things.. and like he hoped and wished ( to forget him).
i love camryn manheim. i love even more her attitude towards life.
i must admit... i'm kinda at the lowest point in life now. all hopes of friendship and love have dissolved. i'm starting to believe that guys are worthless. forgive me, guys... but... ever since last year... i told myself i wouldn't get married. but all you guys... your cock is your mind. cut off your cock and you're worthless. we women follow our heart... you follow your cock. cock = heart + mind. right? i know perfectly well.
i know this will be a very shocking post for people who know what kinda person am i... but well... this is me... well actually... being pain in the heart contributes to the bitterness of this post...
- naive little girl trapped in an 18 y o body. -
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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08:57
