Monday, August 30, 2004
***reflections | regrets***
after letting phil and fiona look at all the content that i've written.. life's been pretty easy for me. been slacking, refusing to do any work. there's still the 2000 word essay on interdisciplinarity for the creative industries report waitin for me. it's due on the 9th. yucky assignment. boring. nasty. totally urgh. *pui
anyway, spent my time idling around the net.. surfed on friendster. and came across this friend called ruth. she was one of my best friends during secondary 2. we were both from band. she, a percussionist. a real good drummer. yeah. she smacked the drums so hard, we had to change the drum skins twice in a month. ripper!!! but well.... we used to talk about everything under the sun. she brought me to her church... gee... those fun days. but we soon drifted apart when we went into different classes.. and so.. the people we mixed around with were also different..
thinkin back, i did many nasty things. i was made band major, but i didn't act like one. this was one of the greatest regrets in my life. i feel so ashamed whenever i think of it. firstly, as a band major, i was suppose to set a good example. instead.. i wrote this really stupid letter to this girl. *unlucky me - to share the same birthday as that girl.. or is it because of her that me being born on this day.. that i'm jinxed? watever* anyway, in that letter i wrote stuff like she's a whore, a slut, an "A" class prostitute. cos i was so mad that she told everyone of my seniors that.. i had sex with every guy i see... which in fact, is not true la. my virginity is still intact. stupid woman. ya.. so.. she showed ruth and ruth's good fren - ruth. yeah.. the 2 ruths. from the percussion section. they were both prefects. so.... all the prefects in band came to know of the letter.... and.. it really caused me my reputation. or should i say.... my prefect friends all disappeared. they all went against me, hated me. must be that girl la... enough. sad secondary school band life. 2 teachers-in-charge hated me. one was cos she read the letter, but she didn't punish me. cos i told her that girl said i was in some kuku gang... ya. and the other teacher thought i called her a bitch behind her back.. when it was someone who looked like me. [full.stop]
i can't believe i was so childish. no wonder my brother's friend called me an ah lian. bloody hell. do i look like one? i'm not skinny, i dun wear halter necks, i don't have the cockroach feeler fringes, and i don't dye my hair. i just talk with loadsa singlish. stupid. but back to the topic.... aiya. just feel stupid la.. and ashamed of myself, my actions.
but what made me spit out all that crap out there.... was.... after seeing ruth on friendster, i actually messaged her. i found myself trembling. i got reminded of my nasty past, my stupid actions. i couldn't face her!!!! but i still.... managed to write her somethin. but it took like... 10 mins??? i was THAT nervous. and she's in US of A now.. so, she might laugh at my english.. so i spent a long time correcting it... gee.... well, luckily she replied. but i just hope she can forget all my evil deeds!!!!
*now u know how evil this bitch is. this is wat goes on her mind behind her smiley face.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
@
23:00
