Saturday, September 11, 2004
i'm comin to a point where i'm gonna hate technology TOTALLY. i think at times, technology is SUCH A WRECK!!!!
damn. blogger's gettin retarded, the computers are like on their way towards self destruction. msn's dyin on me, so is icq. man! if i could choose, i'd choose msn to die on me rather than icq... i've got ppl on icq that i wanna chat with NOW. and it's friday. what could i possibly do other than chat? i dont club, ok. i dont wanna club. the nite spots are so.. "guai lan yun"... AND! i just woke up from my nap at 8pm?? dont think i can sleep tonite. gawd!!!!!
feelin so relieved suddenly. cos i've handed up that damned report! sickening report! sucked my brain juices dry. i need replenishments!!! but i got it le... m&ms.... not only replenishes my brain... my weight is also "replenishing as we speak".. wat the hell. replenishments. is there such a word at all? i need to start usin profound english NOW. am i a communications person or am i not? I can't picture myself doing engineering, neither can i picture myself doing art. music? not really. business? yeah, but not studyin it. multimedia?? what i'm doin now. but i still can't picture myself goin for an interview with my disgraceful portfolio. there's nothin worth mentionin or showin inside. yucks.
how bout writin? yeah.. if only i could write myself to a degree. it's kinda what i wanna do. but i dont know if that's what i really want. you know in life, at times u think "okay, this is what i want to do." but it turns out otherwise. that's what i told myself "hey, i am so going to sp for multimedia technology".. and when i really start the course, i'm like "what are u doing here, ke ying?" so... see the choices that we have to make in life? so many. and it's disturbing. and as women.... we're helluva flighty in nature it sucks at times. *pooooiii* or is it just me? the especially flighty woman? am i even a woman yet? yeah.. i've got hair so have i got breasts wat... does that make a female a woman? what makes a woman? is it just the age? or is it somethin else as well?
meeting up with my supervisor and project manager is really not easy. the first few meetings were good. didnt run outta stuff talkin cos we were always discussing about the project. however nowadays, i dont know what to tell them, dont know what to show them. and whenever the two of them are here, they'd be like yakking throughout it's as if the 3 of us kids here are invisible or somethin. but... i just dont know what to talk to them about. there's like this.. intimidation from em. like... "man.. i feel like talkin to u. but the moment i open my mouth, i trip on all my words. i go eh.ah.wo. i talk like a retard."
anywayz. was speakin to my dear sandra on msn just now. she's not prepared for her o levels. it reminded me of myself... i got like 28 points for my prelims. or was it 32?? anywayz... after that i knew how much i had to study. buried myself in books, though not really enough. but that was the most hardworking point of my life. psle was nothin compared to this. well.. everyday when i got home, after every paper, my mum would be like,"how was it? can pass?" she was like so afraid i'd fail or somethin. at first, my confidence level was... 85%. but on the last day, it became 5%. at least there was still 5% to make me be able to sleep at nite. haha... so on the day of my results.. i called her. and i said "shit ma." and u noe wat she said?? she said,"don't worry.. i've expected this. i already checked out some of the private schools u can go to. or can u appeal to ur school for u to continue sec 4?" i was like.... "MUMMY!!!!! U DESPISE ME IS IT!!!! KANASAI!!!! I PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS LA!!!" kaoz.... that nite, i refused to talk to her. turned out... my extended family actually had been talkin about the high possiblity of me failin my exams. -_-" they underestimate me.
but to sandra... have faith in urself, have confidence in urself. i have faith in u. good luck my dear =)
and of course to my brother and joan... please, the two of u, the little birds of my life. please study hard for ur n levels okay?
it's September 11 today... let's bow and observe a minute of silence as we remember those innocent lives which has been taken away because of some barbarics who think violence will stop everything.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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