Tuesday, May 31, 2005
i really hate being sick, having sore throat and fever. but i have this sickening feeling that i'm infected by some kinda bad bacteria that my immune system is fighting against. i don't know if i wish my system will get defeated or win the battle.
lately.. i'm feeling so stressed up. not because of anything serious, but because i have no idea what's going on in my mind, and what are the plans laid out for me? or realistically.. i don't have any plans laid down for my future. in my last post i cited that i was torn between two choices - marketing and finance. but i guess.. u could all see that i was going towards finance. yes, i finally managed to convince myself that finance is exciting and marketing is boring. talking to steven about marketing doesn't excite me anymore. it's like PR. it's so
multimedia also. hearing him say he was gonna search for pix to use for his vouchers. goodness gracious. i can't even give out vouchers. even with vouchers.. people wont buy. haiz. back to the main topic. yes. finance. finally.. after weeks of searching, i found this perfect school that offers exactly what i want. it sorta offers all aspects of finance. and that's really cool. i was relieved for a while but i kinda panicked when i got a reply from the officer from the university. she said that the institution offering the course in singapore has with-held the course AT THE MOMENT. what am i to do? such a perfect course.... meets almost all my requirements. i just pray and hope that she's wrong. i'm to the point of so much negativity that i wish i could just sit down in a corner and cry. that's pretty childish, but it's good relief, really.
recently i've been reading this book. how to prime your cosmic cash pump. i haven't got to the important parts of the book yet. not even halfway there. a quarter, in fact. but the experience have been really uplifting. it's given some really good insights on life. one of the most valuable lesson highlighted by the author.. was that we should always believe in things that we want to happen. and it will come to u gradually. at times, it's true. it's just like karma. whatever you send out to the universe, eg. bad deeds, it will come back to you amplified. people will do that to you. then it's never ending. only if we can let go of our negative feelings, our grudges, then can we get on with life and achieve the things we want. it's all easy to say.. but gawdarn difficult to carry out. i need to cleanse my brain man... so much negativity, it ain't bringing much benefits to the people around me.. and myself. ever since i've been rejected by local universities..
yes, i daresay it out loud.. i've been feeling very fiery. throwing temper at everyone.. mainly targeting those close to me, like my mum.... and cheng... i feel sorry.. but i must really try to control my temper. it's not my usual self. it's as if i've gone back to my old ways. even my old terrible habits are coming back.. i musn't be depressed no more. see how all those thoughts are affecting me in a negative way??!!
i'm going to meditate tonight. dispell all the bad auras, bring in new fresh positive energies.
Dreamed a PuRpLe
DrEaM
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19:03
